The 1159: Weight of Words (Pt. 4)

Weekly Recap

Happy Tuesday! How on earth did a week just go by?? This last week was simultaneously the longest week this year and the shortest week so far this year. But hey, one thing is constant, and that's the goodness of God. Take a second today to just think about all the things you've been given. We really do have so much to be thankful for!!

What You Say, How You Say it.

This one is going to be pretty short. I have quite a few conversations each week about management, usually with me in the seat of learning from someone in the field and the heat of leading a team (which by the way, is one of the most fulfilling things ever, imho, though it can be super hard... I LOVE leading teams!). Today I was looking through some notes after a conversation earlier this afternoon about conflict resolution and leading well through it and I saw this: "You're responsible for what you say and how you say it, not how they respond." I thought it was such a good reminder.

For myself, I think I consider more the actual response I'll get than the actual message and heart behind it, as well as delivery of it, when prepping to have harder conversations (specifically). Not that I shouldn't think about the response - I do think it's important and has its place, don't get me wrong - but sometimes the fear of a certain response holds me back from communicating something I should, or in the way that would be most effective. After all, I'm not responsible for how they respond.

Now, if they misunderstood or I miscommunicated, I have to revisit the white board and look at ... yeah, what I said and how I said it. It's interesting how it shifts the focus to individual responsibility. I'm having to take FULL responsibility for MY words and delivery. [anytime individual responsibility is present, personal growth is following shortly behind]

As was discussed today, the hardest part is when the other person is in violation of a policy, procedure, or what-have-you. Obviously THEY'RE the ones wrong, so I'm perfectly justified in saying whatever I need to in correcting them. Or am I? If I'm taking responsibility for my words and delivery, then I'm considering how what I'm about to say will not just correct a violation, but also help reinforce the correct action. I am taking into consideration the "greater good" beyond just the initial response.

I now get to consider the situation, individual, bystanders, secondary impact (friends and family of bystanders or the individual, or me, quite honestly), and the impact that WHAT and HOW I'm about to say these things will have on all that.

I know, you're thinking, David, you're supposed to encourage me, not overwhelm me. Yeah, you're right. But listen, you have so much influence, it's crazy! And what a cool thing it is that a single "hard conversation" whether at work, home, NGO, with your significant other, etc., can influence, impact, and even transform someone's life. Maybe theirs, maybe someone else's. It all starts with taking responsibility for what we say and how we say it. (and a bonus is the heart behind what we're about to say... the WHY)

I don't know, that might be a little muddy, I'm still ironing the thoughts out. What do you think? Would you say there's something more to consider? Did I oversimplify it too much? How would you share this thought with someone? I'd love to hear!

I hope you have an AMAZING week! Live purpose-filled!

-DC