Delivery of Communication

This is the biggest lesson from this past week.

With the caveat that a lie is always a lie, and should never be spoken; it's really so important to focus more on what is received rather than on what we say.

In other words, HOW we say what we say is FAR MORE important than WHAT we actually say when it comes to effective communication.

I might think I've said something clear enough, often enough, or even direct/gentle enough, but if the party I'm speaking to doesn't receive it how I meant it, that's almost always on me, not them.

It's a tough pill to swallow, because most times, we react and are typically disappointed by the other party's inability to track with "what I'm saying" instead of asking ourselves "how can I adapt what I said to land in a way that will resonate with them?"

From my observations, we don't do this for one or more of about three reasons.

1. We just don't know any better - seriously, I just didn't realize this was a thing and so I didn't think to adapt anything. No harm intended.

2. We feel that changing how we communicate is "manipulating" and want to get as far away from that as possible - I mean, yeah that's me. I want to be so authentic, no one doubts who I am at any given time.

3. Most extreme; we are set in our ways and unwilling to learn anything new because "that's just the way I am, ok??" - and I get that too, my personality (like each of ours) is pretty strong and baked into the core of who I am... don't go messing with that, ok??

But what if we learned just how much the HOW could transform relationships for the best, realized that it's not manipulation but rather adapting our language/style to serve the other person, and were humble enough to change (not who God made us to be but rather) the ways about us that need to adapt in order to love and support others around us better?

I'm not saying I've figured it out - I'm not sure we should ever get to the place where we can say we have actually.

But I am noticing both how hurtful and destructive it is when I don't focus on the HOW and only the WHAT, and how amazing and uniting it can be when I emphasize the delivery of my communication.

Now before I wrap this short thought, please realize that the actual WHAT is still critical.

We're commanded in Scripture to be very intentional about the words on our lips and the use of our tongues in communicating life or death.

I'm not taking away from that.

I'm just pondering how crazy important the delivery actually is, and also gaining a better understanding of how varying my delivery per party can actually be an incredible way to build unity, clarity, and connection.

That's all I have for today!