Farming

No, not an interview, not a date.

I was catching up with an old friend, and as we recounted the past 2 years since we had last sat down and truly caught up, I found myself opening up a part of me that I haven't allowed myself to feel or even see in a while.

I caught myself saying things that I've buried deep inside, way back in February.

Thoughts that if I let them out, they easily open up a world of doubt, fear, and even defeat.

And sure enough, that's exactly what happened.

As the day unfolded, things compounded to the point of a literal and complete anxiety attack.

I went from having things dialed in and under complete control to being weak, broken, and completely vulnerable.

I know, you're thinking "sheesh David, get it together man."

Believe me, I wanted nothing more than that.

As I've pondered things since, I've realized two things - both observations, still to be tested and proven out.

First, our thoughts, beliefs, and words all carry WAY more weight than we give credit to.

I'm not a manifestation, name it and claim it kind of guy (not fully ;) - but I am beginning to see that words do a lot more than just make noise in a room.

It was good to acknowledge the fears, the hurts, the burdens, and the stresses of life right now - I haven't been able to get them off my chest in a while.

But what I neglected to do was tie them up with a ribbon of truth, leaving my heart, mind, and soul at a place of fresh faith and determination to face tomorrow.

And that's when I started to realize, as I processed the aftermath of the day with R, that my words and thoughts finished up at a point of defeat, doubt, and despair.

The recipe for a broken mindset, leading to a worse-than-bad day.

The second thing I've begun to realize will sound so far left field, but I promise it flows with the last thought.

A farmer doesn't usually have his grain sold before he plants it - he plants it, tends to it, harvests it, bundles it, and transports it to market and then sells it (according to the old ways of production - you get the idea, though).

There's an action of faith that takes place, requiring an entire season of dedication and diligence, long before the payout.

Imagine how it feels for the farmer during every storm, especially hail (we just had a wild hailstorm, so fresh on my mind), when his crops face certain ruin and their protection is completely out of his hands.

The expenses of the year are on the farmer; the payment on the land, the expense of all the water, the seed, the equipment, the food and provision for his family during this time, and all other expenses accrued.

This is 100% how it feels in this season right now.

Sometimes, we're asked to tend to something (steward the little things) long before we ever experience the payout, the reward of doing so.

And that's tough, especially to my generation.

We want everything now.

The new house, the new car, the fancy clothes, all the evenings out on the town, the status, the recognition, the bank account....... now.

But we have to tend the fields, water them daily, trust the Lord to protect the work, and stay committed and diligent until the harvest (even following through to market and getting it completely sold and safely cash deposited).

Nothing about it is easy.

But no one actually said it would be (except the liars).

It's simple - not easy, but simple.