On Being Genuinely Curious

The thing is that I have been overwhelmed by lessons in the last week... no, month... that it's hard to know how to process.

RIP to what remains of a journal I have.

And in fact, that’s actually what I opened to figure out what the most consistent theme has been, and to just run with that.

Asking questions.

Genuine curiosity.

Not assuming.

“Normalize Uncertainty” and “Assume Nothing” are two of the phrases (out of around 40+ currently) that I try to live by.

The only thing we should assume is that uncertainty is certain. ;)

In negotiation this would be referred to as expecting a black swan (black swan being a piece of information or event that once known, transforms the conversation and completes a negotiation… almost always accelerates resolution).

I’ve been criticized for applying some of the tactics I’ve learned throughout my personal relationships (family especially seem to dislike mirroring for some reason haha).

But what I’ve been realizing lately is that I actually don’t use them enough.

Here’s what I mean.

Similar to searching for a black swan in negotiating, we should relentlessly pursue information about others.

We should constantly be seeking to know and understand the WHY behind even the little things.

To be genuinely curious about people, and show our interest in their lives.

Not to get something from them, but to be simply curious and interested in them. (yes, even at work ;)

And this is what I’ve been terrible at… for a long time actually.

I’ve been taking some extra time to think about how I’m living in various areas (self-awareness haha) and have realized that despite truly LOVING people, energized by hanging out with them, and finding fulfillment in being a cheerleader of people’s pursuits, I haven’t been very intentional in learning about the people around me.

Clients, colleagues, business partners, friends, family, etc.

It’s crazy.

I actually thought I was better at this than I am. (insert extra dose of humility… wow)

And I realized this as I saw how many conclusions I was drawing about people that were, quite frankly, baseless.

How much I filled in the blank for people after asking them a question. (I can’t believe I even have to admit this)

How much easier it was to talk about my interests and how few questions I thought of to ask others. (seriously David, get your act together)

And it’s hindered a lot of relationships, personal yes, but business as well.

I can’t tell you how humbling it is to write this out and then share it with you.

But hey, it’s the reality, and I could use the accountability as I seek change.

So, what’s the conclusion? What are the action steps to take away from here?

Begin by seeking a place of humility. (man, I need this like crazy)

Be genuinely interested in more than the surface version of the person across from you, like actually get interested about who they truly are at the core. (talking to myself here, I need to work on this)

Ask more ’curiosity questions’. Get excited about and normalize being curious. (adding this to my list of phrases)

I used to think that asking basic questions was a sign that I wasn’t observant or that I didn’t have any depth to me.

I’m now realizing that those questions are what lead to the depth (personal would be friendship/closeness, business would be clarity and path of least resistance) and actually show the other person how much I honestly do care about them/ their pursuits, projects, or business.

And it’s hard.

Asking questions takes effort, let’s be real.

But I want to put in that effort and become someone who is known as genuinely CURIOUS and CARING.

Being genuine is the key, which is why I can only conclude that Lord I need more humility and a transformation of heart.

Where does this apply?

Like I said. Business relationships (clients for sure!! partners absolutely. colleagues and mentors, 100%), family relationships, friend relationships, etc.

Because it’s not the type of relationship that defines the person; it’s who they are and who God made and called them to be that does.

And yes, even at work, it can transform those relationships if we see them as people that God uniquely made and LOVES. (seriously, talk about a ministry opportunity through work :D

It just takes getting genuinely and passionately curious & interested in people.

“It just takes…” haha, it’s tough. But it’s worth it.

Ok, ok. So here’s a question that I would really love to hear your reply to.

What kinds of questions do you enjoy being asked the most?

I’m not going to give examples of what it could be, because I’m working on not filling in the answer (can’t even believe this is a thing, but here we are).

What kinds of questions to YOU enjoy being asked the most?

I am super intrigued to hear your answer :D

I’ll let you take what personal action steps you see are relevant for your life.

But I know what I need to work on… so here we go!!