Seek First the Kingdom

I've been working on becoming accustomed to battling anxiety, dealing with fear, and learning to do things "anyway".

Not my favorite thing at all, but I've come to realize it's essential and a screaming necessity.

Well, the past two weeks have been a consistent decline of confidence and surety, and a progressive increase of insecurity and anxiety.

Saturday morning hit, after one of the most emotionally draining weeks since Dovito took the hit, and as I sat on the deck, soaking in the sun and trying to begin my weekend study routine (unsuccessfully) I was feeling completely and utterly alone.

I haven't felt this alone and isolated in a hot minute.

This feeling of lack, isolation, insecurity, and general need for something (unidentified) was more than just a lingering feeling.

It was altering my entire mindset, impacting - negatively - not only my ability to work on the businesses, but impacting my relationships, specifically the most important ones to me.

I enjoy attempting self-awareness as best as I can.

I say "attempting" because I have a ways to go still.

So as I sat on the deck, trying for the life of me to find where the source of this was at (forget how it felt, the impact and outcome that loomed was awful), I came to the realization that it was an internal, not fully external, shift that was needed.

Circumstances aside, Saturday morning left me at a pinnacle.

Every single person I would turn to, whether to confide in or lean on, was either unavailable or in some way unreachable.

Insecurity reached an all time high.

I. Was. Alone.

Sitting there, staring at the textbook (working on a new cert) a thought hit me clear as day, yet seemingly out of nowhere.

My security, confidence, connection, dependence were all fading... shifting away from my north star.

Having the brief several hours as a glimpse into who I am without the relationships dearest to me, left me staring into a wide, gaping void in my heart.

I proceeded to spend the rest of the morning and afternoon walking, praying, reading the Word, and meditating on several key facts.

The Lord is my refuge, and my strength.

He is the source of my security.

He is the my Counselor, Prince of Peace.

Literally the Hope and the One I can run to when all else is stripped away.

And yet, I have been fading... slipping into the busyness that just happens.

This feeling - it wasn't left by others, it was the result of misaligned priorities in my own heart.

It's time for me to take ownership and step it up.

So, I still have some work to do to repair that, and I have some serious improvements to make with my relationship with the Lord.

But, in the spirit of maintaining my vulnerability in these emails, I wanted to share the thought in progress with you as an encouragement.

Life gets busy - just accept it. And then get better with time-management, take ownership of your life and stop blaming others for you being busy.

Life gets hard - just accept it. And then work to see challenges as opportunities, and then choose to grow - find people to lean on, and pray for them if you can't find them.

But we cannot let the most important thing - the source of all life - be squashed by life pursuits, relational conflict, or desires.

Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be added - that's a promise, not just a memory verse.

It's time to live like it.

This email, like all of them, are sent to serve as a reminder to future David, as well as the current version of me proof reading this now.

And because we're great friends, you get to see them as well ;)

Let's take some extra time each day this week to recalibrate the compass of our life - i.e. get in the Word, spend intentional time in prayer, journal if that helps.

It's an exciting time to be alive - let's make the most of it!